Select Page

Monkey Porn – a new parenting low.

NotmonkeypornI think it’s well-established now that I’m not a morning person. That’s my excuse for what happened last week, and I’m sticking to it.

Now that Flea’s at school there’s another thing to remember in the mornings – show and tell. This week, though, I thought we had it sussed. We’d been to the South Lakes Wildlife Park at the weekend and had some lovely photos of the animals.

Things start badly when I realise the £35 ink cartridge I bought at Tesco doesn’t fit the printer. Cue lots of rummaging around in drawers before reverting to the time-honoured technique of ‘take the cartridge out and shake it about a bit’.

That sorted, I take the laptop upstairs to the office and fire up iPhoto. It was an unusually sunny morning, so there's a bit of glare on the screen, but I manage to find three decent photos of monkeys, and print them off. Stuffing them into Flea’s book-bag, I congratulate myself on my TOP parenting skills.

This warm feeling lasts until precisely 2pm when I start editing some photos for a client. “Oh, might as well go through those wildlife photos and delete the duds,” I think to myself.

I start scrolling through the photos. Funny, in that photo it almost looks like the monkeys are shagging. Ha! Crop the photo a bit. No, it really does look like they’re….I adjust the angle of the laptop to get a better view, and…oh Holy Mother of God, that monkey is being taken from behind. And in the next photo. Oh, and in that photo, too.

With a slow, horrifying sense of realisation, it dawns on me that – yes, I’ve sent my four-year-old to school with a series of pornographic monkey photos. I bet the teacher LOVED me, that day. 

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She's also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world's coolest ten year old.

About The Author

Sally

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She's also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world's coolest ten year old.

18 Comments

  1. Aly

    Ah! That made me chuckle.

    Reply
  2. leslieanne

    Brilliant 🙂
    Well, they all have to learn about the bitds and the bees eventually. And the monkeys.

    Reply
  3. Laura

    Hilarious!

    Reply
  4. Tattie Weasle

    Brilliant! But I can’t help wondering how she explained it to the children…:)

    Reply
  5. SandyCalico

    Hahaha, is there any way the shagging could be mistaken for cuddles? No? Oh dear!

    Reply
  6. Mummy Mania

    let us know what questions Flea came home with ater shcool that day!

    Reply
  7. Maternal Tales

    Hee hee. Don’t we get to see the photos for ourselves?

    Reply
  8. westendmum

    You can’t palm us off with a lemur, show us the monkey porn…
    WEM

    Reply
  9. Sarah Wolf

    The monkeys are very good friends – cuddles you know…..
    Sally this was the best blog ever! Loved it as did everyone I read it to. Brilliant. Can’t wait for Flea and my 4 year-old-going-on-14-to meet……!!!

    Reply
  10. Insomniac Mummy

    Oh my good lord! Where is that Tena PR when I need her?
    Classic!

    Reply
  11. Sarah Wolf

    Please please find out what the teachers thought!!

    Reply
  12. Nicola

    Brilliant. You have restored my sense of humour, which was sadly lacking after being woken up at 4.21am this morning! I can only picture the teacher’s face…

    Reply
  13. Kath@Parklover

    When 2 massive dogs started humping in the park recently I told CJ “don’t worry, they’re just having a cuddle.” Then I started worrying what would happen next time me or her Dad asked for a cuddle…Fortunately she seems to have blanked it out!

    Reply
  14. Iota

    Ha!

    Reply
  15. Aingeal

    Oops lol how did you manage to look the teacher in the eye.

    Reply

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Get Email Updates

TOTS100

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100

As Seen In

Top UK Mummy blog

#1 Mummy Blog

Top UK Mummy blogs

Bloglovin

Follow on Bloglovin