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How to make a child cry in under 30 seconds

Bear "Flea, have you chosen a bedtime story?" I asked my darling daughter this evening.

"Yes, but I don't know quite which one to have, let me see…"

I start flicking through the bookshelf. "Okay, there's Stick Man, Mr Brown Can Moo, Harry and his Bucketful of dinosaurs..."

I look up. Nothing's grabbed her yet. 

"Er, there's How Do Dinosaurs Eat Their Food, or Cat in the Hat, or Oh Boris.."

I pause. Silence.

"Jump in any time you're ready," I say.

Then rifling some more, "Splat the Cat?"

"Mummy.."

"Yes?"

"I want Jump in any Time, please."

"That's not a book, darling, I was just saying.."

"But you said. I want Jump in any Time. Please Mummy, I did ask nicely."

"I know you did poppet, but we don't have that book."

"But you said…" she says in that voice that lets me know I just crushed her childish faith in humanity.  Her bottom lip is quivering like a piano string. A tear slides down her cheek.

Of course, I did what all good Mothers do at these moments. I passed the buck.

"How about we read Stick Man tonight, and when Daddy comes next week you can ask him to buy you Jump in any Time?"

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She's also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world's coolest ten year old.

About The Author

Sally

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She's also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world's coolest ten year old.

21 Comments

  1. Mummy bear

    Priceless! Surely Stick Man can cheer up any child?

    Reply
  2. jmblyMummy

    Genius. Even my hubbie let a little smile cross his face.

    Reply
  3. MummyMatters

    Brilliant, this made me chuckle – I love how kids just take everything you say so literally. Bless Flea, I hope she enjoyed Stick Man anyway x

    Reply
  4. Josie

    I like this. I think you should write ‘Jump in any time’ as a thoughtful and creative Christmas present. You should put that art GCSE to good use and illustrate it too…
    x

    Reply
  5. nappyvalleygirl

    Hee hee. I had to invent a Wallace and Gromit story once, because I’d inadvertently suggested they might have one…
    Stick Man is a favourite in this household -especially round Christmas.

    Reply
  6. Mamma Po

    I love this – and can totally relate!!
    You know what you’re going to have to do, don’t you? Yep, you’ve got until next week to put a children’s story together entitled ‘Jump In Any Time’. I think it’s a very promising title… Illustrations too mind.
    And who knows. This could be the start of something big!

    Reply
  7. cartside

    After my daughter asked me for the 1694th time if she was going with us in the car to her cousin’s house, I said, “no, we’ll just leave you here all alone and go without you!” Oh, the tears…
    Note to self: safe sarcasm for the grown ups.
    On the plus side, you’ve got an excellent idea for a book now. Just make it yourself.

    Reply
  8. Lindy

    LMAO- you’re evil! I like it!!

    Reply
  9. april

    Awww – what a sweetheart 🙂

    Reply
  10. Muummmeeeee!

    Jump in any time? Now that’s a book I need to buy for the husband…
    Where can I get a copy and how much?

    Reply
  11. Liz (LivingwithKids)

    Nicely played xxx

    Reply
  12. TheMadHouse

    Good call, but I adore Stickman.

    Reply
  13. S.

    Una would love a book called Jump in Any Time. Can you make one please? 🙂

    Reply
  14. Hot Cross Mum

    You do realise you now have to write ‘Jump In Any Time’ just to make it up to her!

    Reply
  15. Victoria

    Stick man’s my favourite. And his stick lady love.

    Reply
  16. Mwa

    Deliciously evil. x

    Reply
  17. Rosie Scribble

    I made my daughter cry this evening in under 30 seconds when I told her she wan’t watching X-Factor.
    She still isn’t!

    Reply
  18. Sally

    Perhaps “Jump in any time” is the greatest children’s book never written?
    Fortunately, Flea seems to have forgotten about it for now, but we’ll see next week if she remembers!
    @Rosie – I think you made the right decision for her sake, frankly.

    Reply
  19. Tattie Weasle

    I laughed at the delightful throw away line at the end..but oh it is awful whent ehy take you so literally! Bless.

    Reply
  20. Vic

    Wish daddy good luck in finding that one! lol

    Reply

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