Liar, liar, pants on fire.

FB10Yesterday, Flea knocked over a picture and tried to tell me it wasn't her – it was the dog.

Nice try. Except we don’t have a dog.

Obviously I told Flea that it’s very important to tell the truth and that if she tells the truth, I won’t be angry, I will be proud that she has enough respect for me to be honest.

Like most of my parenting ‘wisdom’ this is nonsense, of course. I’m a compulsive liar as a parent. Some of the untruths I have told this week include:

  • Of course I can make pastry. But I’m allergic to it, so I probably shouldn’t in case I get ill.
  • Sorry, darling, that CD isn’t in the car, you left it in the house, I think. 
  • What chocolate wrapper? Oh that? It’s from last week, I think.
  • It’s a great outfit, I just think it’s a bit cold to wear your red and white stripy shorts and orange t-shirt. 
  • Obviously, I don’t mind you putting up a Spiderman poster in the dining room, but I can’t find the blu tack.
  • I’d make Cheerios but we haven’t got any milk so you have to have a cereal bar.
  • Of course I can tell it’s a cat.
  • What’s a cretin? It’s a bit like a pancake.
  • Fish are called fish because they were discovered by a French guy called Monsieur Le Fish.
  • Mummy can’t carry you because I fell over today and my back hurts.

It's not just me, right?


Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She’s also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world’s coolest ten year old.

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  1. Bushbb
    5th October 2010 / 9:10 pm

    so funny – I can’t think of any I have said today – I clearly didnt talk to my children enough today

  2. 5th October 2010 / 9:19 pm

    I have been known to stretch the truth on the odd occasion – the chocolate wrapper is a familiar one. I also get ‘what are you eating?’ to which I usually reply ‘tomato’ or ‘carrot’ 🙂

  3. 5th October 2010 / 9:42 pm

    Ooh yes I’m a terrible fibber too. My favourite is “we can’t watch cbeebies now as it’s asleep”.

  4. Priness_L_88
    5th October 2010 / 10:54 pm

    ROFL! My favourite is the fish one! I’m going to use that in future!

  5. 5th October 2010 / 10:24 pm

    Oh that’s hysterical!!! There should be a blog dedicated to the lies we tell our kids… because lets face it they sure are plentiful!!!

  6. 6th October 2010 / 12:02 am

    Ah, the old ‘carrot’ classic. Flea tries to open my mouth to prove I’m lying. It’s sad how cynical they get, so young.

  7. 6th October 2010 / 12:03 am

    I’d notify the publishers so it can be amended in the next edition.

  8. 6th October 2010 / 12:04 am

    I recommend it. Totally worked as a valid answer to, “Why are fish called fish?”

  9. 6th October 2010 / 10:44 am

    I like the fish lie best! I have to lie about song titles and lyrics. CJ has developed a love of Blondie and The Specials and some of those words are not for kids.

  10. 6th October 2010 / 10:48 am

    Oh yes, I use the “mummy can’t carry you because of her dodgy knee” fib all the time. I do have a dodgy knee tho, Zack (the poor thing) was with me when it popped out last, and was screaming at the top of my voice. >_<

  11. 6th October 2010 / 10:53 am

    I must admit i love the fish one too. I must take tips from this i tend to give up and give in after a sad look or two

  12. 6th October 2010 / 10:59 am

    Oh no, I’m having cretins for dinner tonight. Hilarious.

  13. Nikki
    6th October 2010 / 11:10 am

    It’s a great book, we were bought it by friends when we had our two. Hilarious and oh so true!

  14. Nikki
    6th October 2010 / 11:12 am

    Oh yes Sally, but we don’t call them lies, they are little fibs tis all! Very familiar with the CD fib – that jolly songs CD is in Daddy’s car, not mine. Oh well, what a shame!
    After all, there’s only so many times you can hear “…the snake is in the grass, sssssssssssssss”

  15. 6th October 2010 / 11:55 pm

    Oh these are fab, we use the chocolate one all the time, and the fact that things have gone to bed lots of things sleep in our house tis amazing! Love the fish one though that is great!

  16. Lorraine
    7th October 2010 / 10:20 pm

    Hiya, love this – how true!
    I must tell little white lies almost hourly – only problem is I am starting to forget the answers I give and my 7 year old is getting wise to it – oops!!!