I have a confession to make.
I think I’m the only woman on the Internet over thirty NOT to have read 50 Shades of Grey.
I know. You’re probably pretty shocked right now that I haven’t downloaded it to my Kindle for bedtime reading like 10m other women, but I just can’t bring myself to read bad writing. And that book is SO badly written. I feel like buying that book would tell publishers everywhere, “hey relax, there’s no need to edit this shit, or only publish the good stuff. I’ll buy anything if it’s got a bit of S&M in it.”
I must confess, too, that part of my reason for not wanting to read the book has been the way it’s been positioned, in the media, as “Mummy porn”.
Seriously?
What is Mummy porn, anyway? And that’s a rhetorical question and you definitely shouldn’t Google it to find out what exactly Mummy porn is because, well, just take my word for it. You don’t want to go there. *shudders*
The term Mummy porn surely suggests that when you become a mother, your sexuality somehow changes – or is removed surgically, perhaps. That you’re no longer interested in sex or sexuality the way ‘regular’ women are. Or even that wanting to read a book which (based on the extracts I’ve seen) is really not that raunchy – is somehow incredibly NAUGHTY.
Ugh.
Perhaps I’m prejudiced, but if I was going to read porn, I’d read porn. Or erotica, which I suspect is basically porn with a bit more story. Putting the word ‘Mummy’ in front of it makes it flat out wrong. I can’t think of a faster way to make something sound completely lacking in eroticism than to preface it with ‘Mummy’. Maybe that’s the point? To belittle women’s sexuality?
I read an interesting article yesterday in a newspaper saying that the success of 50 Shades of Grey is part of a wider increase in sales of erotica. Publishers are enjoying a boom in sales of erotic fiction, with one in three sales being a digital copy – a far higher proportion than for any other kind of books. So basically, more women are now buying erotica because they can put it on their Kindle or iPad. Far easier to download something at home than brave the raised eyebrow of the check-out guy at Waterstones.
More power to the ladies hitting the download button, I say. If reading erotica floats your boat, or helps you explore your sexuality in a safe way then that’s a positive thing for women generally. It’s empowering, and as a feminist, it seems like a positive thing to me.
So, by all means get downloading the erotica. Download 50 Shades of Grey, if you really must. But can we stop belittling it with the awful name ‘Mummy porn’?
Im reading them just now , started booked 2 last night and im very unimpressed.
I have been reading fan fiction for years , i love the stuff but 50 shades just reads like a bad one – if this was a fan fiction i would of quit after the first few pages. There is some amazing fan fiction out there (im totally addicted to Roswell and Buffy stuff) but this is not a good example of it..
I’ve never really done fan fiction. Maybe I should be more open minded.
I haven’t read it either, but I must admit that Keris’ quote has tempted me. In all the hype, nobody mentioned there was cheese…
Keris has probably generated more sales here than all the Mummy porn articles I’ve read.
I haven’t read it and have no plans to read it. Rubbish fan fiction that has somehow caught the eye of an unimaginative editor and turned into a media fest is not my idea of fun. There is plenty of much better stuff out there. And lots more crap too, of course. There really is no need for erotica (or porn, for that matter) to be badly written and badly edited.
Pah!
Quite – there’s no need for anything to be done badly, and there has to be better erotica out there than this. Although perhaps the issue is we don’t hear about it?
The authors books are position 1,2 and 3 in the paperback chart in the Sunday Times. Someone must be buying this rubbish.
Well, I don’t question that people are buying it – almost everyone I know has bought it!
I’m reading it simply because everyone keeps asking me if I’ve read it and I want to be able to back up my claim that it’s shite. And it is. But I’m enjoying it in a weird way *because* it’s so bad. I mean, how could you not enjoy lines like this one, Christian Grey’s response when Anastasia asks him why he’s into domination: “Why is anyone the way they are? That’s kind of hard to answer. Why do some people like cheese and other people hate it? Do you like cheese?”
Totally with you on the mummy/mommy porn thing though. Agree with Nickie that “mummy” in front of anything is a turn-off. (Don’t have a problem with it originally being fan fiction though, since the finished version bears no relation to the Twilight books in character, plot or setting. No less unoriginal than any of the gajillion updates of various classics, etc.)
I myself am a fan of cheese.
That’s just brilliant. It sort of made me want to read it now. Are there more like that?
Many may disagree with me but I enjoyed the twists and turns of the plot more than the porn without pictures. I have no issue with erotica, after all, much of my early teens were spent with Mills and Boons and anything else with well thumbed pages from adult section I could now access with my “grown up” library card. I found the sex scenes, while an important part of the plot, very repetitive. There are however only so many earth shattering orgasms a person can endure when reading about them.
That aside, erotica is erotica, and Mummy Porn does seem like a rather pigeon-holed label. We had a discussion about this on the playground of all places the other week while we were waiting for the children to come out. All agreed wholeheartedly that the term seemed derogatory somehow, as if it was a bit wrong, a bit naughty for mothers to read this sort of stuff at all, or that “we” were lucky to be able to escape the confines of our Mummy lives for a short time with something that was actually adult in nature.
I have to ask though, if Mummy Pork is ok, how would you classify Daddy porn?
If there’s anything in the world that sounds creepier than Mummy porn, I think it might be Daddy porn.
Agreed!
Also, please excuse the rather unfortunate typo, Mummy porn, not Mummy pork!
I left it because it’s got to be the best typo EVER.
I haven’t read it. I have no interest in reading it but not because I’m a mother and have had my sexuality removed (believe me *salacious wink*). More because everyone I know who has read it (Keris, for a start) says it’s rubbish. Life’s too short to read rubbish books.
Ooh, salacious. On a Monday morning, as well. I’m impressed.
Yes, life’s too short.
I didn’t mind it too much, which obviously means I must be some kind of thicko, but I enjoy some trashy shite after reading The Theoretical Framework for understanding Motor Control: turning research into clinical practice. It’s a bit of light relief and a bit of a giggle. But yes, Mummy Porn is a shocking phrase and should be put in the bin with Yummy Mummy, MILF etc.
I’m all for light relief (as it were) and easy reading – but there’s a difference between something being an easy read, and something being badly written. No? Honestly, I’m not snooty in the slightest about books, but putting out something bad is just unfortunate – there’s GOT to be better erotica than this available – or even a bit of Nancy Friday?
Great post sally and ‘Mummy Pork’ *wipes tears from eyes*…that must be the best typo ever. I downloaded FSOG last week to see what the fuss was about and believe me, it is about as erotic as a tea towel, as saucy as mayonnaise. Badly written, 9 1/2 weeks for 2012 etc etc yawn. Mummy Porn is a patronising term that just perpetuates the myth that women the other side of motherhood become sexless, desperate housewives. The Kindle as revolutionary for erotica as the brown paper bag was for sex shops!
Erotic as a tea towel, you say?
*rushes off to find Kindle*
You big misery guts, as a fellow reader of just about anything you need to read them, they are fabulously hilarious, plus how can you say it is badly written if you have not read it ms w.
?
Go on download it…..
J x
Tsk. Why have I got to? Maybe there’s more erotic erotica to be found? Why would I read something BAD? Why?
I didn’t say it was bad.. I quite enjoyed them… Hmmmmm mr grey!
Sigh. I will consider it.
You will thank me…
I’m reading the first book at the moment and really love his story. He’s complicated, no-one knows why etc. it’s so cheesy and the reminds me if a cross between Virginia Andrews, mulls and boons and bad porn. I wouldn’t call it mummy porn as its not got any housework elements in it (hoho), but seriously… You’re right, how anything can be mummy porn I’ll never know. That’s like saying “over 40s porn”… Are people suddenly into something because they are a certain age, a parent, profession?
Well, quite.
I haven’t read it either ! I thought it rather sounded like a boring paint chart,! But alas it’s a book in on naughty things * Shields eyes*
Arf!
I’m of the opinion that I haven’t read it just can’t judge it. Dislike the term mummy porn though – yuck.
So many of my friends have read it and it seems to be a bit like marmite/bovril – you either love it or loathe it.
I finished Jo Jo Moyes “Me before you” this weekend and that made me cry like a baby and hold my children closer than ever before if that’s possible. Now that rocked my world. Each to their own I guess, books are so personal.
Me Before You was devastating wasn’t it? I cried, too.
I jumped on the bandwagon and bought a copy and attempted to read it, and can confirm your suspicion that it is, in fact, crap. You’re just lucky you didn’t waste any precious minutes of your life coming to that conclusion.
The fact that the lead female uses the phrase ‘Holy Cow’ during the first sex scene, kind of robbed the (already thin) erotica from it for me, too.
The label l’Mummy porn’ is definitely designed to belittle, and the fact that mature women with children are made to be embarrassed about their sexuality is exactly why this tripe is such a bestseller, because through the cult following it’s provided a way for women to explore erotica.
What woman doesn’t shout HOLY COW as she has an orgasm?*
* joke. In case anyone was wondering.
I’m not quite 30 yet, but I’ve not read it either, I also refuse to insult my eyes/brain/memory with that shite.
I have to say, I’m sick to the back teeth to the short-sighted patronisation that women receive, especially once they’ve had kids – mumprenuer, womanpreneur, mummy blogs, now mummy porn? It’s like the rest of the world going “Ah, bless, you’ve had a baby and you’re STILL using your brain? Don’t expect too much of her though, everyone, she’s ONLY A MUMMY, after all”. Ugh. I didn’t realise the two things were mutually exclusive.
Absolutely agree with everything you say – I hate this patronising, reductive nonsense – in business or in the bedroom.
And there was me thinking I was the only one who hadn’t read it! “Mummy porn” – what on earth will they think of next!?!
I think everyone except you and Me, basically.
Did my tweet this morning set you off?? I have less than zero desire to read it. I don’t know if it’s trash or if the writing is crap. What has always put me off is the “mummy porn” label. If I want to read erotica I’ll go out and buy some. I don’t want to read some crap fan fiction w/ a shit load of S&M in it, which is a whole new kettle of fish that winds me up!
Quite. It’s as though we’re too frail to read actual erotica. Erm, I don’t know about you, but I don’t know many Victorian maidens.
I’ve never heard of it!
I’m impressed.
I read it back when it was fan-fiction, and as fan-fiction goes it was pretty good – but it was free then. I’m not convinced it’s something I would actually pay money to read.
For the record I think fan-fiction can be quite fun. There’s nothing like getting to the end of a book and wishing there was more. Fan-Fiction lets you borrow your favourite characters and take them on a new adventure (though it can take a while to wade through the rubbish stories before you find something worth reading.)
What is your favourite fan fiction?
I don’t have time to read porn, I’m too busy having copious amounts of sex and blogging (one of these may be a lie!)
*rushes over to check on Kelloggsville’s blog*
I’ve read the first and second book. It is badly written and needs some serious editing and the female in it drove me nuts but I do like the love story and did end up enjoying both books.
Perhaps I’m being judgmental then?
Not yet read it and now wondering if I should to be ‘in’ with everyone else. In my experience, that’s a bad reason for doing things. I would just be reading out of curiosity to find out what the fascination is, not with the intention of enhancing my sex life. ‘Mummy porn’ yuck! If I am going to be doing anything remotely sexual, I try to bury the fact that I’m a mum cos it just puts me off!
I honestly don’t think it’s THAT salacious. It’s just a horrible marketing tag.
I haven’t read it and I don’t intend to either after reading the hype behind it.I read somewhere the film rights have already been bought.
They have. Ryan Gosling, apparently.
I downloaded the freebie sample chapter and never even finished it – if I want porn I’ll read something decent (Story of O, Delta of Venus) rather than that badly written rubbish
Great thing about kindle is at least I can indulge my Georgette Heyer addiction without colleagues seeing my books and having to totally rethink their uber-bitch view of me – at least I can keep up appearances now!
Well, quite. Maybe other women don’t know where to get proper porn, though?
How timely. Have just been invited to write a newspaper rant about mummy porn and EL james and had never heard of either of them. Gardener’s World mag is quite raunchy enough for me this time of year with all that cross-pollination…
You filthy devil.
I haven’t read it and recently wrote in a blog post that I would rather read a copy of Marketing magazine. I’m a saddo like that. I was going to say more but then I read the words mummy pork and daddy porn in the comments and it’s completely thrown me off kilter.
Mummy pork and Daddy porn will possibly stay with me FOR EVER.
A most unfortunate typo lol
But nevertheless brilliant.
I haven’t read it, I hadn’t even heard of it until CybHer…..I’m starting to wish I had a kindle though!
Trust me, I don’t think you’re missing out.
34. Not read it. Don’t intend to. Rubbish!
Are you basing that on what people have told you, what you’ve read?
“I think I’m the only woman on the Internet over thirty NOT to have read 50 Shades of Grey.”
And
“I just can’t bring myself to read bad writing. And that book is SO badly written. ”
I’m struggling to reconcile these two sentences……
How so? I’ve read the sample on Amazon, and lots of extracts in newspaper articles. The language is atrocious. The editing is questionable. And as for writing a character who says HOLY COW at the moment of orgasm – I think that can only be topped by the cheese dialogue (see Keris’ comment below). Perhaps it’s unfair to judge based on snippets, reviews and so on, but I confess, it really does put me off.
I have a Kindle and I am sad and boring so its full of work-related stuff!
I have heard so many things about the book, but the stand out is that its not very well written. And even if it was positively sizzling with sex, I still like to read books that are written properly. I don’t get too much time to read fiction these days, so want to make sure its good fiction, no matter how much S&M sex is in it!
Ha! My Kindle is full of kids’ books and biographies. So tragic. And I agree with you that when time’s short, I sort of resent reading things that aren’t decent quality. Not necessarily high-brow, but popular trashy fiction can be good or bad, you know?
Oh I agree totally – but maybe Shades isn’t my cup of trashy fiction tea?!? Though the amount of chat about it, I am beginning to wonder whether I might have to read it out of curiosity, I am a bit of a nosy old bag after all…
I bought it last week to see what all the fuss is about and I quickly became addicted to the story, despite it being very badly written (I quite like reading trash!). I don’t really get where the ‘Mummy porn’ thing came from as I know plenty of people reading it who don’t have kids. I do think the big appeal is that it has made it a bit more acceptable to read erotic fiction. It’s not something I had ever thought about reading before but I will definitely be buying more in future. Maybe when it becomes a bit more mainstream, the writing will get better!
Yes, I think it’s quite positive and empowering to introduce women to erotica in a way that feels acceptable and safe – I kinda wish it was better erotica, but on the whole it’s a positive thing.
Ok…I have to confess. I hadn’t even heard of the book until your post 😮
Mummy porn just makes me go ‘ewww’. If I wanted to read some, I’d go for the real stuff. Sounds like it’s a bit like drinking diet coke when you could go for the blue top coke version!
Well, I quite agree. Mummy porn = officially the least sexy 2 words together EVER.
Don’t bother, it is SHITE. I liken it to Mills and Boon with a bit of bondage….ooooh naughty *rolls eyes*
Didn’t even finish it…………
Thanks for saving me some time 😉
I absolutely agree with you about the ‘mummy porn’ tag, and I’m afraid that this week I succumbed and bought the book. It was more out of nosiness than anything else- EVERYONE seems to be talking about it and I wanted to see what I was missing! Having actually opened it yet, mind, but it’s on my to do list. (which isn’t very sexy at all when you think about it)
What’s hotter than a To Do list?
Or do you mean household tasks? Ah. That’s different, then.
You’re not alone I haven’t read this either and to be honest I have same opinion as you. I cannot stand bad writing and why should I part with my cash to support a badly written book and also the term is just vile! Just because we are mums does not mean that our sexuality is now resigned to pages! Hear hear lady xx
URGH I’m totally with you on the “Mummy Porn” issue – like you completely change just because you’ve had a kid! I haven’t read it either – I’ve heard so much about it being just really badly written fan fiction I, like you, can’t bring myself to read it! xx
I agree. And I’m not keen on the label because mummy porn makes me think of tens lady adverts. Draw your own conclusions there.
I haven’t read it either.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I was captivated by the story in each of the books. Take or leave the sex – if I wanted porn there are methods with much quicker gratification than a 500 page novel – but to pull the story together it was necessary. I’m going to blog my own take on the trilogy once I’ve re-read the books with less of an eye to story and more of an eye to everything else but I will say this: at least read the first book before you judge, there’s a chance you might be surprised.
I’m also over 30 and despite nearly all my friends having fapped (ahem) over it on facebook and twitter for weeks and weeks with conversations varying from how much they want to go into the ‘Red Room of Pain’, to what Mr Grey looks like (complete with flinty eyed actor photos) I haven’t read it .
While I have been very tempted to see what all the fuss is about I’ve managed to resist for various reasons most of which have been mentioned, but mostly because I do hate spending money on hype and also because there are already many fantastic erotic works out there, Story of O, The Ties That Bind, 100 Strokes of the Brush Before Bed, The Beauty Books by Anne Rice and anything by Belle De Jour (I’m not sure the last one is strictly erotic but I do like it very much).
Oh and I totally agree with you that mummy porn, as an idea, is ridiculous. I’m now fully expecting a Pinterest spinoff (Pornterest?) where you can get your daily dose of kittens with life affirming quotes alongside penii in various states of excitement *eyeroll*.
(ps. sorry for waffling!)
I haven’t read it, but have to say I have been tempted with all the hype surrounding the books. I have so far read mixed reviews on it, if I find a few extra hours in the day I could probably be tempted, but that is not going to happen so it will all probably remain a mystery to me!
You are right though, Mummy porn is wrong, however Mummy pork on the other hand has had me in stitches this afternoon!
Ha. I read it because someone I knew said they had learned something from it and I was intrigued. Still am.
It is shokingly and unbelievably badly written- most people can go their whole lives never using the words “medulla oblongata” but the female character in this uses it 27 times within the first 30 pages. I may be exaggerating. Slightly. Read it knowing you are more liked to be moved to tears of laughter than moved in any other way.
Its appeal, in my opinion, is not the sex, which really does get boring, but it is essentially a fairytale- young inexperienced girl who thinks she’s ugly meets a handsome prince and it turns out she’s beautiful after all.
Sexy? I don’t think so. I think the mummy porn label was given, not because this is what mummies idly daydream about while changing nappies/wiping up sick but because it has a wider appeal- even to mummies, who by their childish moniker are about as far from hardcore S&M sex as Beatrix Potter’s bunnies. Condescending? Of course. Should we care? Only if we are indeed ‘mummies’.
Better get back to my mummy porking.
I must be the one person who has no mates – because until today I was wonderfully unaware of this book/title/mummyporn!
So what is all the hype about? A romantic tale with sex, hardship and a happy ending? Could be any Jilly Cooper/Collins book thats ever been written!!
I don’t really understand why people who haven’t read the book and claim not to want to read it are still so keen to talk about it. It’s just a book. Yes, it’s far from being a literary masterpiece and yes, it could have done with some serious editing, but it’s just a bit of light hearted fun. The story is entertaining even if the text needs work and the sex scenes get a bit tiresome. Every day people watch rubbish on TV and that’s considered acceptable as a means of escaping reality for a while so why judge people on what they read?
50 shades has made more women aware of erotica and has also made women feel far more comfortable discussing erotic fiction and sexuality. It has also made it acceptable for women to admit that we don’t just want to make love all the time, we quite enjoy a bit of kinky fun too!
As far as sticking ‘mummy’ in front of everything, it’s just like when people realised that they could sell to certain women just by making things pink, as long as there are people buying into it there will always be those ready to take advantage. That said, I may have to stop by the butcher’s tomorrow to buy some mummy pork!
I’ve just been having a think about why this book has been dubbed ‘mummy porn’. I am a mum. Each morning I am woken up at stupid-o’clock, I then spend my day trying to keep up with someone who has far more energy than I do, and once I have finally gotten him to bed I quite like to curl up with a book. By this point I am far too tired for anything that requires much thought and would rather not resort to reading Thomas the Tank Engine for the millionth time. Also, being too exhausted for a real sex life I quite enjoy reading about a fantasy one 😉 So whilst I don’t like the term ‘mummy porn’ it is still rather appropriate in my case!
OK, where to start? After reading the post and comments I’m left feeling a little dense. I have read (and was addicted) to all three books and enjoyed them immensely. The many opinions relating to the “terrible writing” make me think that I must be missing something and this can’t be good news as I’ve written two books myself!
I found the books to be fun and intriguing and there have been no complaints at home 😉
I also have no issue with the term mummy porn… why such an attack on just two words? But then again, who am I to question it? I founded a company called Mumpreneur UK *awaits screams and shouts of anger* 🙂
Okay, so I am adding myself to the list of people who hasnt read these books but that is mainly due to never having enough time to read road signs let alone read a whole book.
50 Shades seems to have grabbed the attention of the masses and whether you love or loathe it, someone, somewhere has done a great PR job on it because we are all here talking about it! Now which way do I turn ……
I did read the first one. It drove me insane…not in a hot sexual way. But angry that someone that wrote so poorly would be a top seller. So when I see the term mummy/mommy porn (whichever you wish to use) it sadly seems appropriate. There must be too many women out there missing out on something if they are willing to put up with all the poor writing just for a few moments of not good sexual encounters. I cannot picture the story as I read it because the sentences are written in such a way it makes me lose focus. I know, I am not perfect grammar lady either, but I am not a bestseller author. Hmm…but I suppose I could be since the bar has been lowered.