10 Reasons I am a Terrible Mother…

Who's the Mummy

One of the lovely things about being a Mummy blogger is picking up hints and tips about parenting. However, that's not the best thing. 

No, the best thing is knowing I cannot possibly be the only mother who could write a list like this. 

Right? 

Right??? 

 

  1. I forgot to wash Flea’s blazer during half-term. I fished it out of the laundry basket at 8am on Monday morning and sprayed it with Febreze.
  2. When Flea was a baby, the best thing I ever bought wasn’t a creative and inspiring toy or some developmentally superior feeding accessory. It was a box of ear plugs.
  3. I can’t bake. This means that every single birthday cake Flea’s ever had has been ordered from either M&S or Waitrose.
  4. We have never made anything out of cardboard boxes. Ever.
  5. Once I let Flea have a day off school because I couldn't make myself get out of bed. 
  6. I don’t want to cry when I see that Flea is getting older. I quite enjoy it, really. And besides, while I loved Flea a lot when she was a baby, she was mostly boring and frequently irritating.
  7. Hand on heart, I can’t remember the last time I cooked Flea a home-made meal that wasn’t based on pasta and pesto, rice and peas, or noodles and soy sauce.
  8. I have, on occasion, forgotten to collect Flea from school.
  9. I got my daughter’s date of birth wrong when I registered her with the local GP. When the receptionist realised it was wrong and phoned me, I blamed my ex-husband and said he must have filled the form in incorrectly. 
  10. When the batteries died in Flea’s Fur Real dog, I told her that the toy was broken and we had to throw it away. 

 

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She’s also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world’s coolest ten year old.

26 Comments

  1. Imperfectionist
    8th June 2011 / 4:05 pm

    Sally, I LOVE this blog post and this is what motherhood is all about!

  2. Hannah
    8th June 2011 / 3:25 pm

    At least you get the cakes from upmarket supermarkets…
    Freyja’s last one was from Asda.

  3. johanna
    8th June 2011 / 3:27 pm

    hahaha classic 😀

  4. Dan Thornton
    8th June 2011 / 4:12 pm

    I can identify with the age thing – as much as I loved my son when he was tiny, I’m actively enjoying my time with him so much more now he’s turned 3 and able to chat, understand stories, ask questions, play football etc. At some point he turned into an actual person, and a pretty amazing one in my biased opinion…
    In terms of being a bad parent…
    I’ve managed to accidentally expose him to The Dead Kennedy’s in the car, leading to him singing the words to ‘Holiday in Cambodia’ regarding a former dictator.
    I foolishly introduced him to Sonic The Hedgehog on the Xbox at under 3 years old, and then had to retroactively limit him to an hour a week – with quite a few tantrums as a result.
    Working from home and forgetting to organise myself means I’ve quite often ended up pinching from his supply of Babybels and other goodies…

  5. 8th June 2011 / 4:30 pm

    This is hilarious and so typically normal. After all nobody’s perfect, huh? 😉

  6. nicola cooper-abbs
    8th June 2011 / 4:38 pm

    Number 10 happens fairly frequently in our house *gazes at large pile of annoying toys minus batteries*.

  7. Freya
    8th June 2011 / 6:40 pm

    As far as I’m concerned it’s this type of behaviour that makes you a role model for mums! Where’s the fun in being perfect?

  8. Becky
    8th June 2011 / 7:30 pm

    What a refreshingly honest (and highly amusing) list! Particularly loved the one about staying in bed vs sending your daughter to school!
    I can’t bake either btw. Cooking generally is not my forte…..
    Oh, and your site comes up number 1 on google for “parenting blogs”. Just thought you might like to know that.

  9. 8th June 2011 / 7:18 pm

    Shocking. Although I have to ask – is the bin behind you in the photo on fire?

  10. 8th June 2011 / 7:58 pm

    Well, if you get a better class of cake, there’s less shame. Obviously.
    *cough*

  11. 8th June 2011 / 7:59 pm

    Yes, I’m going for an ‘urban decay’ feel.
    Not really – that was our barbecue when we stayed in a yurt early this year – I was SO proud of having lit a fire that stayed lit, we took a photo for posterity.

  12. 8th June 2011 / 8:00 pm

    Cool! I have much parenting wisdom to share. Obviously.

  13. 8th June 2011 / 8:38 pm

    Hehe! Thanks for making me laugh. Is it worse to actually be able to bake but to never do it? Febreeze was invented for such misdemenours. I still sometimes forget my baby’s date of birth. I blame it on the drugs they gave me on said day. And my baby brain. Does that ever recover by the way?

  14. 8th June 2011 / 8:39 pm

    oh i’m soooo glad im not the only one who digs dirty clothes out from the basket – good tip though with the Fabreeze – hadn’t thought of that! Poppy has never worn an ironed apron yet to playschool. Will admit to making a washing machine from a cardboard box though – the girls still play with it!

  15. 8th June 2011 / 8:48 pm

    This post should be re-titled: 10 reasons why I’m a normal mother
    Just contemplating whether to put my wine down after a long day of commuting, work, cooking and bedtime routines and do a wash or to scrape the snot off the school cardigan sleeves and squirt some perfume on it.
    My kids’ hideous Fur Real dog has been missing in action for some weeks now….

  16. Dan Thornton
    8th June 2011 / 9:01 pm

    No need to whisper – I eat them quite often. It’s possibly more worrying that I only ever buy them for myself…
    Today I managed to accidentally eat the last of the Smarties ice creams we were rationing out as a special treat on hot days, and 5 homebaked biscuits that he and his mum appear to have completely forgotten about.
    Essentially it appears homeworking has turned me into some kind of snackfood addicted squirrel – especially as I’ve been overdoing the fruit and veg in an attempt to get the family healthier. But because my problem is lack of muscle rather than wanting to slim down, I actually need more calories (I know biscuits and ice cream are technically the wrong ones, but I don’t care!)

  17. 8th June 2011 / 10:43 pm

    Not in my experience. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

  18. 8th June 2011 / 10:44 pm

    Ooh, you’re one of those crafty parents, then?

  19. 8th June 2011 / 10:44 pm

    Those dogs are evil, they’ve all got it coming.

  20. 8th June 2011 / 11:11 pm

    I may have done #5 a little too frequently last term… I blame the horrible weather!
    Also numbers 4 6 and 10 may ring a bell for me.. *cough* only on occasion. Honest! 😉

  21. Nikki
    9th June 2011 / 10:48 am

    I love this post – this is what makes you a real mother! In response to you points:
    1.Re fleas blazer – that’s what febreve is for – without using it, people wouldn’t have jobs to make it -you’re simply keeping people in their line of work. How thoughtful of you!
    2.Ear plugs – I concur, best baby tool I ever bought
    3.Baking – Costco also do the most fabulous – tasty and cheap cakes ever. Try it.
    4.Re cardboard box making – tried it once, disaster and then had to keep the ruddy “robots” forever. Over-hyped.
    5.Day off school – lvoe that one, must try it.
    6.Re baby crying and growing up – yes, found out very quickly i wasn’t a baby person and these days are the best ever.
    7.Love pasta – god send.
    8.Left at school – I keep forgetting her after school classes and turn up on time so conisder that balancing yours out lol.
    9.Blame shifting – you journalist you….
    10.Fur real – yes, we’ve tried the toy is dead line – very useful as it the line “ice cream vans play the tune when they’ve run out of ice creams”
    See – you’re very normal indeed! :-)))

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