Diary of a Perfect Mother

Do you ever find yourself wondering, "How could I be a better working parent?" 

Wonder no longer, friends, for the answer is simple: be more like me

Oh yes. Here's my morning (so far) for your education and improvement. Read it and weep. 

7.45am: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze, forgetting reason for early alarm is so you can get to 10am meeting on time. 

8.00am: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze. 

8.15am: Alarm goes off. Shout, "Flea, time to get up." Fall asleep. 

8.30am: Mumble, "the one with the green top," when Flea wakes you to ask which milk to have with her breakfast. 

8.40am: Peer at the clock. Swear. Jump out of bed and put on assortment of clothes found on floor. 

8.47am: Get in car. Drive to school. 

8.55am: Congratulate self on only being 5 minutes late to school. Deliver Flea to classroom. See all other children neatly dressed in PE kit. Bugger. Text to delay meeting until 11am. 

9.00am: Rush out of school to car park, and help small child find PE kit in boot of car. Rush back into school, help child get changed. Deposit child in school hall for special performance, which is now reaching the grand finale. 

9.10am: Back in car. Enter destination of morning's meeting into Sat-Nav. Congratulate self on rescuing the morning and actually remembering the Sat-Nav and meeting location. Drive towards the motorway. 

9.15am: Think, "Hmm. Wonder if I've got my bank card." 

9.17am: Discover answer to this question is, inevitably, "no". 

9.20am: Turn car around and drive home. Delay meeting to 12pm. 

9.30am: Get home and realise bank cards are not in any of the 'obvious' places 

9.40am: While rifling through desk, remember there's a press trip tomorrow, leaving at 5am, and you have no idea where the train tickets are. 

9.45am: Call PR, realise tickets are being delivered to home address today, before 1pm. Cancel meeting entirely. 

10am: No bank cards to be found, also on the Missing in Action list: mobile phone charger, Flea's passport, anything resembling clean clothes for 3 day trip. 

10.10am: Decide to stuff the lot of them and make yourself a large cup of coffee and scoff 2 chocolate Hob Nobs for breakfast, with a multi-vitamin so you can make at least a vague gesture towards healthy living. 


So much achieved already, and the day has hardly begun!

Please tell me other people live like this. 


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