The League of Toaster Crimes

Breville Warburtons Toaster REview

It goes (almost) without saying that there are some big problems facing the world in 2015.

But one of the biggest is surely how to make the perfect toast for breakfast.

A quick survey of my family reveals our top three toaster catastrophes:

  1. Some toasters don’t deliver the perfect level of toastiness. Toast needs to be golden and crunchy on the outer surface, but softly yielding inside. Nobody wants burnt toast. Or worse, warm bread. Ugh.
  2. Some toasters don’t know when to let go. Trying to retrieve thick toast, or crumpets, from an unyielding toaster? Nobody likes that.
  3. But worst of all, surely, in the International League of Toaster Crimes (this is a thing that totally exists, I checked) is toast that isn’t toasted to the top. So you get, like, 80% toast and 20% bread. UNACCEPTABLE.

Breville recently got in touch to tell me about their new toaster, which is apparently made with an extra-deep bread slicing cavity* so that your bread gets toasted right the way to the top. It even works – the PR promises me – on Warburtons toastie bread, which is pretty much the finest bread there is when you’re in need of emergency cheese on toast. Or Marmite on toast. Or Marmite and cheese on toast.

I’ll admit, chums, I was pretty excited as I unpacked the Breville 2 Slice Toaster – billed as “the perfect fit for Warburtons“.

This is a very pretty toaster. It’s super shiny and not too big and the controls are pretty intuitive, with a button for defrosting, one to pop up your bread and a removable crumb tray that’s a bit fiddly to get to, but works well enough.

With trembling fingers, I put the Warburtons bread into the toaster slot, and waited. OK, maybe it was my impatience but it seemed like it took a REALLY long time to toast the bread.

No matter. Perfect toast is worth the wait. Although we popped the toast before the programme ended as we started to smell burning, suggesting that “3” on the dial from 1-6 is a bit high for toasting purposes. I’d suggest leaving the dial on “2”

And so…. what happened?

Here’s a 60 second speeded up video that provides incontrovertible proof of the toasting capabilities of the Breville/Warburtons toaster…

It’s not bad. But I think we have all to all admit that the Breville hasn’t fully delivered on its promise of fully toasted toast.

Scenes like this played out in our household that evening…

Crying woman

Once I’d regained my composure, though, here’s what I figured:

This toaster is pretty good for large slices of bread. Not perfect, but pretty good. The search for the perfect toaster continues. And meanwhile, we toast aficionados will return to our “turning over halfway” method of toasting.

Breville provided me with a free toaster and some Warburtons bread for the purposes of this review. Picture credit: Shutterstock 




14 thoughts on “The League of Toaster Crimes”

  1. The arguments that a slice of toast can create is amazing. Who knew a piece of fluffy white bread had such control!
    May your search for the perfect toaster be successful 🙂

  2. domestic goddesque

    Obvs Breville have the toast-to-the-edges thing nailed but as regards point 2) (or was it b)?) I have two words for you: toast tongs.

    Never again will you fight the toaster for the slice that is rightfully yours, or burn your fingers on toast that you must immediately claim as yours. With toast tongs, you can butter that crispy browned wedge of heaven and go back to the day job: World Domination.

    Just saying.

  3. If only Warburtons knew the right size of bread to fit the majority of toasters, the problem would appear much easier to resolve ! This has caused me many a thought in a morning ! Who makes Toastie bread too large to fit anything !! As it stands, we still can’t beat toast done under a really really hot grill, if only our busy lives meant we had the patience to wait ! aaaargghhh You never know your luck Sally, maybe somebody could send you a cook to try out for a while 😉 solve those woes if only temporarily x

  4. It must be said,
    I like my bread,
    But the thing I like most,
    Is hot buttered toast.

    But my toaster died,
    It’s circuits fried,
    And crunchy breakfast was no more,
    So off I went to my local electronics store.

    I have a russel hobbs kettle,
    And when I want tea that shows it’s mettle,
    So I saw a toaster of that brand,
    And marched to the till toaster in hand.

    Filled with elation,
    Mouth watering in anticipation,
    The golden buttered treat would taste so nice,
    I grabbed a Warburtons slice.

    And then I can’t believe my eyes,
    The 22831 model will not fit my bread size,
    I had to cut my bread in half,
    You gotta laugh!

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