Happy and the School Bear This Thursday, Flea will join the reception class at her school. Being an organised, professional sort of Mummy, obviously I chose today (Tuesday) to go and buy her school uniform.

Fortunately, Flea attended the pre-school already, so she can re-use some kit from last year, but she needed some new kit, namely:

  • One blazer
  • Two pinafores (she has two but I need five since I can't deal with the pressure of mid-week laundry)
  • Five jumpers (see above)
  • Two ties (how dirty does a tie get? Actually, don't answer that)
  • One PE shirt
  • One pair of school shoes
  • One pair of white pumps
  • One book bag

I cannot believe how much these items cost. How have I been wasting my life scratching a living in journalism when the real lucre is to be made in manufacturing small items of clothing with fancy badges stitched on?

Because I like to torture myself, here are five things I could have bought with the cash I just handed over in the school uniform shop: 

  1. A full luxury day at The Sanctuary in London, complete with lunch, champagne and two beauty treatments.
  2. A return flight to Boston, complete with a lobster dinner at Legal Seafood.
  3. A Fortnum & Mason hamper, complete with foie gras and champagne. (I covet the baskets more than the food, to be truthful)
  4. A Paloma Picasso bracelet from Tiffany & Co to replace the one I lost during an ill-advised gardening venture.
  5. Everything on page 4-5 of the current Christmas ideas catalogue from Lakeland Limited. It's a true fact that the only thing in life better than a Lakeland Limited catalogue is a Lakeland Limited Christmas Ideas catalogue.

Oh, and I've told Flea that every time she gets a stain on her school uniform a fairy dies. That's not bad parenting, right?