A New Low.

woman eating cake

So, possibly this is TMI but somewhere around day 24 of my monthly cycle, I become a total carbs junkie.

My body rejects any suggestion of avocado for breakfast with a desultory snort, opting instead for mounds of toast topped with Marmite.

This sad fact is hopelessly at odds with my current attempt to revive my healthy lifestyle, which I kicked off about 18 months ago, and then slightly completely forgot about over Christmas.

Anyway, for the past month or so, I’ve been religiously swimming three or four times a week, walking the dog, cooking actual meals, that sort of thing. And it’s going about as well as any regime change that doesn’t involve eating all the pizza and cake you want can go.

Until today.

The day started well. Got up, went for a swim, came home, walked the dog.

Healthy lunch of chicken sandwich (wholemeal bread, natch) with fruit. I mean, fair enough, it’s not activated almonds, but it’s pretty good nonetheless.

Except twenty minutes later, I was scouring the backs of cupboards looking for biscuits. Or cake. Or a forgotten packet of Maltesers.


But no joy.

Some IDIOT apparently thought it was a good idea not to buy any unhealthy snacks for home, because that way it’s easier to avoid temptation and make good choices about food.

As if.

I tried to distract myself, but it can’t just me me who is a total slave to hormones. All afternoon, while I tried to work, a little voice inside my head was whispering, “Just drive to the shop. You could buy a family-size bar of chocolate, you know. Or six Creme Eggs.” 

What can I say? I’m only human.

Even so, there’s no excuse for what happened next.

Lacking any form of cake, biscuit, chocolate or candy in the house, I resorted to this…

gingerbread house

Yes, friends.

I made a gingerbread house.

I made a gingerbread house, just so I could wait an hour for the icing to set, and then eat it.

And my child wasn’t even home.

My shameful craving for biscuity goodness was so strong that I voluntarily whipped egg whites and undertook the sort of shoddy baking that I suspect would make Emily Leary cry real tears of sadness.

Still. It meant I could eat biscuits. And whipping up egg whites for the icing probably burned at least, ooh, 20 calories. So it’s not all bad.

And I figure Flea won’t even notice it’s gone until next Christmas.


[Photo Credit: Shutterstock] 

12 thoughts on “A New Low.”

  1. Alexandra | I'm Every Mum

    Amazing!!!! I love that you took the time to decorate it so beautifully before eating it haha. I would have just made a gingerbread mound and munched it anyway if I had been you. Looks great though. I love the little figures.

  2. Liz Weston aka @TheLizWeston

    I wouldn’t have had the patience to wait that long – I’d have been in the car, and scoffing purchases in the car as soon as I got back to it. #JustSaying

  3. Good for you for going to the trouble of decorating the house before eating it! I am not sure I’d have the same control. I have often driven to the shops to buy 2 family packs of crisps and munched one in the car on the way home… at that time of the month.

    I’m also trying to revive my healthy eating ways (slimming world + moving more) but have realised that we can have these occasional slips and so long as we are good 80% of the time, somehow it all balances out. Everything in moderation, including moderation and all that!

  4. I cannot judge…I’ve actually been known to make CUPS of butter icing before when we’ve been without anything sweet but had butter, icing sugar and cocoa. Cups of icing which I’ve then eaten with a spoon, whilst hiding in the downstairs toilet so that no-one sees how vile I’m being.

    Maybe we should form a support group? Gross Snackers Anonymous?!

  5. What can I say? I actually share the same opinion as the “idiot” you are mentioning about not having the things at home… ha ha ha but would never say that this would stop you from craving them, but will make it much harder to eat the “naughty” stuff. I personally follow one big rule, eat everything but “in moderation”, and that is very important what it means. I love dark chocolate, and always have some at home, but always make sure I have a bit every day after lunch with my nespresso as a treat, that way have something to look forward to. Anyway, stick to your fitness routines, and I am sure, you can have some treats to reward yourself 😉

    1. I know you’re right and I do definitely try to not have junk in the house because then I will make some toast or eat some fruit. But not EVERY day! There’s always the odd day when I think you just need to throw the rules out of the window and eat some chocolate or a cake!

  6. I was the same last week except I am far to lazy to actually create a gingerbread house and just made a pig of myself eating crumpets smothered in butter and an actual family sized bar of galaxy, followed by a chinese take away for tea. Needless to say I avoided my slimming group this week x

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