Gwyneth Paltrow and Me: Peas in a Pod.

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My friend Britt likes to sometimes send me the GOOP newsletter to demonstrate to me why GOOP author Gwyneth Paltrow is an enemy of the human race. I’ve never really seen the problem. I mean, sure, Shakespeare in Love sucks, but there’s nothing wrong in eating macrobiotic is there? It leaves more real food for the rest of us, after all. 

This week, though, I saw the light.

If you missed it, I urge you to check out the recent GOOP newsletter where Gwyneth (multi-millionaire and member of Hollywood royalty) empathises with us working Mums. Because, actually, Gwyneth is just a working Mum too, you know?

To illustrate this, Gwyneth tells us about one of her super-busy days. It consists of:

Get up

Take kids to school

Yoga

Singing lessons

Try on clothes

Answer some emails

Play with kids

Get dressed and go out for super fun dinner with girlfriends

 

It's uncanny, of course, because this could totally be a page torn out of my diary. Yours too, I bet.

For example, here's the highlights of my working day. Betcha can't even tell the difference between my life and Gwyneth's:

Get up

Take Flea to school

Practice deep breathing while logging into online bank account

Pay credit card bill, council tax, parking ticket. Put off paying NI until next week

Faff around on Twitter

Phone interviews with fascinating people for article on cloud infrastructure models

Faff around on Twitter

Put lunch in oven, quickly phone solicitor, accountant, GP and business partner.

Put burned lunch in bin. Make toast.

While eating toast, answer emails.

Spend 20 minutes hunting for pastry brush to remote toast crumbs from crunchy keyboard

Faff around on Twitter.

Write up sponsorship and advertising contracts for new clients. Catch up on invoicing. Take out paperwork to complete tax return.

Realise I’m late for the school run. Bugger. Write post it note saying “TAX RETURN!!” in fruitless attempt to convince myself this means I’ll actually do the sodding thing tonight.

Play 45 games of Pig Goes Pop.

Put Flea to bed.

Answer phone. It's the ex-husband wanting to make arrangements for the weekend.

Answer phone to friend who says, “Why do you never answer your phone?”

Try to catch up with 1,200 unread emails

Realise have forgotten to call British Gas about repairing the boiler. They’re closed.

Take cold shower.

Fall into bed.

 

I never thought it was possible, but I think I might hate Gwyneth even more than…. Louise Redknapp.

Louise ham

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She’s also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world’s coolest ten year old.

20 Comments

  1. 16th January 2011 / 12:22 pm

    She could practically be your doppelganger!

  2. Nikkii
    16th January 2011 / 2:08 pm

    Oh poor Gwynnie – having to go to the gym AND try on all those dresses – that dripping you hear is the sound of my heart bleeding for her. Clueless cow.

  3. 16th January 2011 / 2:11 pm

    You need to listen to Gwyneth’s advice on multi-tasking. She puts conditioner on her hair BEFORE doing her post-workout stretch, so that it can work its magic while she’s stretching (or so I read). You should try that. I think it could make all the difference.
    I’m not usually bothered by celebs at all, but Gwyneth got to me on this one too.

  4. 16th January 2011 / 6:47 pm

    Now I completely see where I’ve been going wrong all these years. Thanks, Gwyneth. You’re a gem.

  5. 16th January 2011 / 6:48 pm

    I read that, but let me reassure you she may sound busy, but I think she has a nanny…lol
    Actually, the weirdest thing I thought was that she considered eggs a quick breakfast. Cheerios, shreddies, cornflakes- yes but eggs???? WTF!

  6. 16th January 2011 / 7:30 pm

    Poor poor Gwynny… such a HARD life eh? >_<

  7. 16th January 2011 / 9:35 pm

    The eggs thing is just showing off, isn’t it? Like me saying, “Oh, I couldn’t be bothered to make anything fancy for dinner, so I just slobbed out with some baby quails eggs with truffle-infused risotto”.
    I didn’t, obviously. I had toast.

  8. 17th January 2011 / 8:19 am

    seriously? You hate Louise Redknapp too??? I HATE her soo very very much and that holiday advert of hers makes me what to do violent things. She’s also ruined Something for the Weekend for me. I thought I was the only LR hater.

  9. 17th January 2011 / 8:53 am

    More than Louise Redknapp? Wow things are serious.

  10. Nikki
    17th January 2011 / 1:14 pm

    Never read her blog/newsletter etc and never would. Our lives are at scale opposites so why read about it? I’m not jealous, just disinterested in her “expert” advice :-))
    Might have a sneak peek now that you’ve referenced it though – ha ha!

  11. 17th January 2011 / 1:21 pm

    Gwynnie. She doesn’t help herself, does she? Writing a blog post about how very busy she is, when she really isn’t. It’s the internet equivalent of pinning a ‘kick me’ sign to your own back.

  12. Nikki
    17th January 2011 / 1:44 pm

    Just finished reading it – hmmm, I think Gywnie has the least to do, but moans the most….
    won’t read it again- just reminds me of how little me time I get and how much money I don’t have!!

  13. 17th January 2011 / 11:55 pm

    *puts hand up* I would like to add my name to those who hate Redknapp. She was perfectly innocuous until she *ruined* SFTW. She never eats what they cook, unless doing so like a rabbit! Take a proper mouthful, Louise, for gawdssake! You are on a cooking show! The Thomas Cook adverts only served to push me over the edge from loathing to pure fetid hate.

  14. 18th January 2011 / 6:50 pm

    I wrote a similar rant about this on Powder Room Grafitti. The funny thing is that she picked this particular day because it was one of her most manic days. We all know that if you’re really knackered at the end of the day, there’s no way you’re going out partying with a bunch of girlfriends.

  15. 25th January 2011 / 11:53 am

    She forgot to mention the nanny and the two PA’s. She has to organise their days too!

  16. 1st February 2011 / 12:23 pm

    Having had a stressful working-mum morning, you’re post brought some light into my life. At least I don’t have it as hard as poor Ms Paltrow.

  17. Katie
    9th February 2011 / 11:07 am

    I think I could add getting distracted reading fab posts to the list in my day – much needed light hearted relief. Poor clueless Gwynnie

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