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That Mother of the Year award? It’s in the bag.

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Flea and I like games.

One of our favourites is the “I can only hear you if you’re singing” game, where you have to sing everything you say, loudly and out of tune (that last bit isn’t a rule, just a lack of talent).

So tonight we were on our way home in the car, and I was singing a song to Flea with a (frankly) genius chorus that went something like:

Your Mummy is the best Mummy in the whole wide world

She is smarter than the rest

You are such a lucky girl

Because I am the best…

Flea was sitting next to me with her toy monkey, George, sitting on her lap. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw George whisper something to Flea.

Flea adopted her best confused face. “Mummy…” she said.

“Yes?”

“George just said something I didn’t really understand.”

“What was that?”

“He said he thinks you’re not telling the truth.”

Oh, the hilarity.

Well, there’s only one way to respond to that sort of conduct.

We drove the five miles home with George hanging out of the car window, billowing in the breeze.

“It’ll teach him a lesson,” I sang to Flea, in sad tones.

On the way home, we stopped at the supermarket nearest to our house and I asked Flea if George had learned his lesson.

“I don’t think so,” she sang, loudly. “He is a VERY cheeky monkey. What shall we do?”

“I shall spank him when we get home. It’s the only way,” I sang back.

And that, Your Honour, is why my child was dancing round the supermarket this afternoon, patting her own rear end, and singing, “SPANK THE MONKEY, SPANK THE MONKEY, SPANK THE MONKEEEEEEEEEEY” at the top of her voice.

Possibly, I didn't think things through.

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She's also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world's coolest ten year old.

About The Author

Sally

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She's also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world's coolest ten year old.

48 Comments

  1. PippaD

    I so wish you were my Mum.

    Reply
  2. The Coffee Lady

    Fab. One of the rare posts I force Mr Coffee to read too.

    Reply
  3. Jed Hallam

    Best. Story. Ever.

    Reply
  4. TheMadhouse

    Oh my the thing is I can see the two of you doing this, it has made me smile, thank you

    Reply
  5. Leanne

    Hilarious – I expect nothing less!

    Reply
  6. Beki

    I swear I need to pop on a tena before I read your posts.
    I think Flea has to be one of my favourite children ever!

    Reply
  7. Sally Whittle

    I choose to take that as a compliment.

    Reply
  8. Marylin

    You. Are. Awesome!

    Reply
  9. Sally Whittle

    Oh good, I hope you didn’t hurt him, though.

    Reply
  10. Sally Whittle

    I am a bit ludicrous, it’s true. Tonight at bedtime Flea said to me: “Can you be a normal Mummy for a minute?”

    Reply
  11. Sally Whittle

    You might think so but one of our neighbours pretended not to recognise us. Can you believe it??

    Reply
  12. Minty

    Bloody BRILLIANT! (Potential Britains got talent entry?)

    Reply
  13. Aly

    *wrings out knickers* almost matches monkey porn.Almost.

    Reply
  14. scribblingmum

    Brilliant! Did you feel compelled to try and hurriedly explain this to all the shoppers or did you avoid all eye contact and keep your head down?!
    My friends’ little one loved Balamory when she was little and one time in doctors surgery shouted ‘Fock You, Fock You’ to a shocked elderly patient whilst her Mum stood behind shouting ‘Yes, Follow The Clue, Follow the Clue’.

    Reply
  15. Hannah

    I’ll remember this for future reference

    Reply
  16. Honest Mum

    So funny. Is it wrong that I’d like you to adopt my family and I? Pleeeeease?

    Reply
  17. Sally Whittle

    You’d think but we were a bit shunned, to be honest…

    Reply
  18. Sally Whittle

    You know sometimes if you try and explain stuff, it just sound worse? Yeah, that.

    Reply
  19. Sally Whittle

    Aw, thanks, it takes years of effort to reach my level of ineptitude, you know.

    Reply
  20. Vegemitevix

    Brilliant and even better than that, no doubt based on a true story! Very very funny! Wish I’d seen the shoppers’ faces.

    Reply
  21. Sharon Donnelly

    i love this, bet you brightened up a few boring shopping trips!

    Reply
  22. Sally Whittle

    Hand on heart, it’s true word for word. Except the out of tune bit – in reality, I am a MARVELLOUS singer.

    Reply
  23. Clare

    my first exposure to your blogs, oh how I guffawed ! Its a game we play often, but usually we play the “shout the song” game…instead of singing you shout the words like the Young Ones – that monkey deserved it, imho toys get away with far too much these days….I blame it on Woody -.-

    Reply
  24. Vic

    When I can stop laughing for long enough to comment…

    Reply
  25. PippaD

    It was intended as such!

    Reply
  26. Nikki

    LOL – when Matthew was born he was given a monkey which I (stupidly) christened “Spanky” to amuse myself.
    That stupidity got paid back last week when he took it into nursery for show and tell loudly announcing to the staff – much to their amusement – that Spanky the monkey had arrived at school……
    Ho hum. I’m firmly in your school of parenting…..

    Reply
  27. Muddling Along

    Uh huh who are you trying to kid… you thought this through and I respect you for it!

    Reply
  28. Mummy Mania

    excellent! I just wish I could get through this baby fog to find the energy and enthusiasm to have such creative fun! well done you…. you guys have a great relationship.

    Reply
  29. Kelly

    I want to know where you shop. Seeing that in the supermarket would have brightened my day!

    Reply
  30. Sally Whittle

    Oh, well, welcome and thanks very much for commenting!
    You’re quite right, these toys have been taking liberties…

    Reply
  31. Sally Whittle

    See, you did it deliberately – mine was totally innocent! I’m not sure which is worse.

    Reply
  32. Helen @ Regards Rainbow

    We (hubby and I) are both crying laughing at the moment – thank you for a great read and smudging my mascara!

    Reply
  33. Nikki

    errrr – guilty as charged but need to amuse one’s self from time to time :-))))

    Reply
  34. Joy

    My first visit to your blog and I get this! You are too funny. I bet you and Flea have lots of fun together. 🙂

    Reply
  35. CherishedByMe

    Now that made me laugh! A lot! 😀

    Reply
  36. Katie

    Utterly hillarious – I wish I’d seen that in the supermarket. Great fun – thanks for cheering a grey day and inspiring a reluctant writer to get on with it

    Reply

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