It’s just a little crush.

Crush

Remember when you had crushes and lived in permanent fear of embarrassing yourself?

In my case, having a crush tended to mean I would turn the colour of a tomato, and blurt out something that sounded really funny in my head but actually sounded completely idiotic the moment the words left my lips. Then I’d try and make a dignified exit, only to trip over something and bang my head on the doorframe.

Thank goodness those days are behind us, right?

Except, I don’t seem to have grown out of crushes, at all. Or spots on my chin, but that’s a rant for another day.

In all other areas of my life, I can pretty much pass for a functioning adult. I have a mortgage, a car, a pension (sort of) and a grey hair that appears to grow 10 times faster than any other hair on my head, so that by the time I notice it, it’s 6 inches long.

But I must confess that I can still be reduced to a stammering, blushing fool by my decorator, the guy who fixed my car last week, some random PR dude I met in a training session recently, and – most mortifying of all – my dentist.

What makes these crushes especially horrifying is the realisation that in some cases I am LITERALLY old enough   to be their mother. I mean, for it to have happened, I’d have had to get started with the procreation business fairly early, but technically? It’s a possibility. Which takes my crushes out of the realm of ‘a bit embarrassing’ and well into ‘horrifying and flat-out wrong’ territory.

Except here’s the problem: no matter how many times I read that Nigel Havers or Liam Neeson are supposed to be God’s gift to womankind, I can’t help thinking they’re old. They probably have false teeth – which given my recurring nightmares about teeth falling out would instantly rule out any sort of physical contact with an older man.

I once asked my Mum if, when you got to 40, you started finding men aged over 40 more attractive. “Not really,” she sighed. Which was a sort of depressing conversation, now that I’m within a half decade of turning 40 myself.

So I figure I have another five years of not feeling completely mortified about the inappropriate thoughts I harbour about Robert Pattinson and James Franco, before it gets too weird and embarrassing. And after that, I am basically doomed to become that weird old woman who can’t be allowed out in public unsupervised. Please tell me it's not just me…

 

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She’s also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world’s coolest ten year old.

17 Comments

  1. 15th March 2011 / 8:58 pm

    I seem to have the opposite problem. I have a thing for older men. Men old enough to be my dad…and for the record, no, I don’t have “daddy issues”

  2. Nikki
    15th March 2011 / 10:41 pm

    I’m with you Sally, young men – my exercise instructor in particular – yum yum- just 24 – could just eat him up, well, when his girlfriends not at the session too 🙂

  3. 15th March 2011 / 11:20 pm

    I noticed recently that I am really having an older men phase at the moment. I got very flustered this week just blogging about a bloke off the telly.
    I think younger men would be very tedious and far too cheerful. World-weary REALLY does it for me.

  4. Insomniac Mummy
    16th March 2011 / 1:13 am

    Hehee! I keep thinking that this 30something stage is a kind of limbo. Too old to need an ‘older man’ but not old enough for a ‘toy boy’. I’m often shocked to find out that men I think are older than me, are actually younger and fear I’m doomed to be getting flustered over 20somethings when I’m 65!

  5. 16th March 2011 / 7:11 am

    Oh God! I long to say no really IT IS just you but I get inappropriate crushes too. Luckily being over 40 I have the best excuse of all, when I go flame red I blame it on the menopause!!!!

  6. 16th March 2011 / 7:36 am

    I have a tag on my blog specifically for age-inappropriate crushes. The youngs ones (but not that young). Although to be fair, I get crushes on older gentlemen too. I mustn’t be that picky.

  7. 16th March 2011 / 9:05 am

    Hm. Maybe you can grow to appreciate older men, then.

  8. 16th March 2011 / 9:06 am

    In an ideal world, I’d go for young and world-weary. Young and chirpy would be just too annoying for words.

  9. 16th March 2011 / 9:07 am

    Actually that’s exactly it – limbo. I keep finding myself thinking “mm, he’s nice” and then discovering the chap is 27 or something, and then I just feel slightly sick and wrong. Sigh.

  10. 16th March 2011 / 9:07 am

    Excellent, I have that to look forward too, then 😉

  11. 16th March 2011 / 9:08 am

    Ooh, a tag. Maybe that’s what I need to legitimise my embarrassing boy-crushes.

  12. johanna
    16th March 2011 / 9:41 am

    hmmm yes… so glad im not the only one… the words cradle and snatcher have been mentioned in the same sentence more than once….. :/

  13. Rin
    16th March 2011 / 1:00 pm

    Ha ha, brilliant post – and so glad it’s not just me! My crushes usually span the age ranges, but it’s the young ones that particularly worry me. I’m always thrilled when I find out that an actor I fancy is actually older than the character he plays, it makes me feel less pervy! Current impossible crushes include Laurence Fox, Benedict Cumberbatch, and… (whispers) *Rupert Grint* (seriously?!! what is that about??).

  14. 16th March 2011 / 2:05 pm

    It’s not just you. I’ll be 32 in September, but my brain still thinks I’m 18. I watch Glee & totally believe that I’d be BFF’s with Kurt & Mercedes. (And cat fighting with Santana over Puck – who in real life, is actually only 3 years younger than me, so it’s not SO bad… right?)

  15. 16th March 2011 / 2:47 pm

    i have the opposite to you – it’s older men for me at the moment – older men in authority, such as, acutally can’t divulge

  16. 18th March 2011 / 9:42 am

    Robert Pattinson…yum.

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