Just Another Parenting Triumph

troye sivan

Being a COOL Mum *cough* means that I like to get down with the kids and listen to the youth music once in a while.

In other words, Flea and I take turns listening to our music in the car.

This week, Flea’s been listening to a lot of Troye Sivan.

If you’re not familiar, Troye is a big YouTuber, actor and singer. Last year, he released an album called Blue Neighbourhood. The album includes a trilogy of songs that tell the story of two childhood friends who fall in love, experience homophobia and it all ends in a pretty bleak place.

If you have 10 minutes, I recommend watching the whole thing on YouTube. Have tissues handy.

Right now, Flea is obsessed with the album. So we were driving along listening to Troye in the car, when a song called “Wild” came on. It’s all about the passion of young love and obsession.

I was half-listening to the song, when a line made me swivel around in my seat like something from The Excorcist. The song goes like this:

‘Cause there’s still too long to the weekend
Too long till I come in your hands
Too long since I’ve been a fool, oh…

“That’s quite a grown-up lyric,” I said to Flea, primly. “I’m not sure that’s age appropriate.” 

Flea looked puzzled. “Is it? Why?” 

Now, a smarter parent than me would have said something like, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

But I have this ridiculous notion that I should be open and unembarrassed about sex so that Flea grows up with lots of sex-positive values. Or something. It’s always worked so brilliantly before, right?

Anyway, I decided I had to be upfront and straightforward.

I’ll spare you the details, but there was a brief discussion of the different things that the word “come” might refer to, and why that might involve someone’s hands.

I did a lot of nodding and IT’S ALL PERFECTLY NATURAL DARLING and I felt pretty damned smug. God, I’m such an Awesome Modern Parent. After I’d finished, Flea looked horrified, and a little bit sick.

“Does that make sense, darling?” I asked.

“Well, sort of. But doesn’t the song say – too long till I DROWN in your hands?” said Flea.



So it does. But it REALLY sounds like something else. (Seriously – check out the video below at 41-45 seconds and tell me YOU don’t hear it)

I’ve basically just destroyed my child’s innocence because I’m old and can’t hear properly.

In my defence, these modern singers really need to enunciate more clearly to avoid this sort of thing happening in future*


*  Yes, this is the most middle-aged sentence I’ve ever typed. 





19 thoughts on “Just Another Parenting Triumph”

  1. If I could post that GIF of the Minions splurting out popcorn here, I would. Still, this took me right back to the happy days of Touch Me by Sam Fox, and Relax. Of course I had NO idea what I was singing about back then.

  2. Lol. Shamefully I had to google Troye… 😀 But he can’t be naive enough to not know there’s an innuendo in his song – it’s certainly not how I would word it.

    I must admit, I think I’d be an upfront embarrassing Mum for kicks. (Mrs Uncle Buck).

  3. OMG that’s hilarious! And just the type of thing I’d do too. I’ve always been very open about S E X with both of my boys, much to their horror, and I deliver it with such a poe face too … it’s great! (Because I’m dying and lolling inside.) Keep being open with Flea though, it’s the best way. Btw, Specsavers doe hearing tests now, just fyi 🙂

  4. Might have just let out a little wee (because I am getting old too) laughing at this. I do now feeling very old. I have never heard of Troye. What has happened to me?!? I swear I was cool once. I’m going to blame having children, that works right?

  5. Bahahahaha! Oh that’s brilliant…I usually end up doing the opposite and trying to con my children into thinking a quite clearly explicit line is something quite innocuous…though in my defence my kids are only 7 and 8, so probably not quite ready for proper explanations. I am waiting for the moment, though, when they come back from school and tell me they’ve been laughed at for singing the wrong line (eek!)

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