Starting as we mean to go on…

Flea and I were in the car this afternoon, driving home after a trip to stock up on Diet Coke and carpet shampoo (if my Mother asks, it was Flea who spilled an entire bottle of Baileys on my bedroom floor).

I was in a world of my own, wondering whether I’ll ever be able to go into Booths again after Flea told the check-out guy: “My Mummy says you can just take clothes out  of the laundry basket if you haven’t got any clean ones in your wardrobe”.

I’m calculating the relative distance of Morrisons and Tesco from our house when Flea pipes up from the back seat: “Mummy, why do some DVDs have us on them?”

Weird question. “Well, because we make films on the camcorder, I suppose,” I say

No, not those DVDs. The other DVDs,” she said.

O-kay… “What other DVDs?

“The ones with US on,” she says, using her newly-discovered my mother is a moron voice. “What ones with us on?”

“Not us!”

It’s all getting a bit much for my brain to deal with. “What??”

“Not us, the DVDs with us on them!”

“What??” Think logically. “Okay, so can you give me an example of a DVD with us on?”

“Not us, US. Stop joking me Mummy! You're joking me!”

“Right, I have no idea what you’re talking about, and I’m trying to reverse into the garage, so if you could just shut up for a minute, that’d be great,” I say, through gritted teeth (positive parenting in action).

“I was only asking…” says a plaintive voice in the back of the car.

Now I feel guilty. I stop the car. “Right, so you want to know why some DVDs have us on, but they’re not the ones we’ve filmed, right?”


And do all the other DVDs have us on or just some?”

“No. Just some have us on them.”

“So it’s not us. Is it someone who looks like us?”

“No! It’s a triangle with us in it.”

Finally, the light dawns. I expect you all guessed a good 10 minutes before me…

Bloody phonics.

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