Worst day ever?

flea

Long-time readers will know that I have, let’s call them, “issues” with teeth.

While some people have anxiety dreams about being naked and missing exams, I wake up in a cold sweat after dreaming all my teeth have fallen out.

This, combined with a less than ideal dental experience in my early 20s (I had a dentist who didn’t believe in anaesthetic), means I can be a bit skittish regarding the whole topic of teeth.

I tend to take pretty good care of my teeth so that I can spend as little time at the dentist as necessary – but life happens and at my advanced age (sniff) you never know.

So when my front teeth started feeling a bit weird a few days ago, I was a little bit concerned.

Maybe quite concerned.

Okay, okay, I went into a TOTAL blind panic which involved wobbling my teeth at every given opportunity in front of friends and saying, “It’s moving isn’t it? Is it moving?” while they said things like, “No Sally. Your jaw is moving.” 

I called my regular dentist but he’s on holiday so the receptionist offered to book me in for an emergency appointment at a nearby surgery to see the covering dentist. Excellent.

Flea was off school, so I got her wrapped up extra warm, in her new hoodie and thermal hat, and we had a big hug (I could sense *she* needed a bit of extra reassurance) before we set off for the dentist’s office.

Once at the dentist, I explained that I’m a little bit nervous of teeth-related activities, but I was having some heightened sensitivity, and I was a bit worried it might be an abscess or a cavity in the early stages.

“Does it hurt when you eat?”

“No.”

“Does it hurt when you brush, or floss?”

“No.”

“How about if you touch it?”

“No, but it just feels… weird.”

 

60 seconds later, the dentist pronounced my teeth clear of any sign of decay, infection or abscess. He suggested I buy some toothpaste for sensitive teeth. He asked if I might be a bit of a worrier.

How rude.

I got up out of the chair and started gathering my things. The dentist peeled off his gloves, and stood up to say goodbye. I’d been in the surgery for about 90 seconds, all told.

“Lovely to meet you, Mrs Whittle. Is it Mrs?” he asked, looking me up and down. He is SO LOOKING AT MY BOOBS, screamed a voice in my head.

“No, it’s Miss,” I replied, primly, thinking WOW, how inappropriate is that??

I would have said something, but I was too busy trying not to look at anything that looked like it might be involved in dental extractions. And besides, Flea was with me; I didn’t want to make a scene.

“Ah, right then,” the dentist said, as though that cleared everything up. “Goodbye then, Miss Whittle.” 

I left the surgery and took Flea to the pizza restaurant round the corner for a celebratory plate of spaghetti. It was only when I nipped to the restaurant bathroom that I looked down and saw what had caught the dentist’s eye.

There, attached to my sweater, right over my right breast was a lovely sticker proclaiming, “FEEL ME!” 

Oh yes.

And that is why I’ll be spending this evening

a) Thanking God it wasn’t my regular dentist, because obviously, I can NEVER go back to that surgery again and

b) mentally composing a letter to the dentist explaining that the sticker must have got stuck on my sweater from Flea’s new hat, which has a lovely furry lining, and the sticker really wasn’t part of my strategy to catch a new husband.

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She’s also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world’s coolest ten year old.

37 Comments

  1. 15th January 2015 / 7:30 pm

    Ha!! I wondered where on earth it was going to go, and you had me laughing out loud there!!! Oh the shame!! (but very funny shame)
    jo recently posted..Collage CanvasMy Profile

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:04 am

      Shame is the word!

  2. 15th January 2015 / 8:58 pm

    OMG! What a story, that can honestly happen only to a few of us! Don’t worry about it, at least you know why he was staring at your boobs 😉 The most important is your teeth are fine x
    Mirka Moore @Fitness4Mamas recently posted..The Gallery: MeMy Profile

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:04 am

      Yes, it was reassuring to know he’s not a perv!

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:03 am

      Or, you know, stupidity. Sigh.

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:03 am

      Yes, all in all, it was a good visit. Just shaming.

  3. 15th January 2015 / 9:29 pm

    Hahahahaha!! Only you. Well, I’m quite sure it’s happened to loads of people obvs (she says, rapidly trying to backtrack so as to not make you feel any worse). Actually my dentist is quite cute… could I borrow that sticker please?! 😀
    Stephs Two Girls recently posted..Is Challenging Behaviour a result of bad parenting?My Profile

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:03 am

      I know, right – why me???

  4. 15th January 2015 / 9:33 pm

    ah bless you, but that was funny. At least your teeth are ok and you don’t need any treatment. I also have issues with the dentist and I am gutted because my dentist has just left to work nearer to where he lives and was really good with my nerves!
    Lucy recently posted..Black & White Photography Project – Lazy MorningsMy Profile

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:03 am

      Oh, yes, a good dentist is a lifesaver.

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:05 am

      Oh god, what a notion!

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:03 am

      Yes, it’s a relief, overall!

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:02 am

      With hindsight, I agree.

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:02 am

      I might add that to my CV – “helpful to your pelvic floor”

    • 16th January 2015 / 9:02 am

      I definitely always go for check-ups – the alternative is so much worse!

  5. 16th January 2015 / 7:28 am

    Oh Sally, you do make me laugh! Glad your teeth are fine and thank god it wasn’t your regular dentist – mortifying!
    Annwen recently posted..The Terrible Almost Fours!My Profile

    • 16th January 2015 / 8:46 am

      Yes, I can’t even bear to think about trying to find a new dentist.

  6. 16th January 2015 / 7:29 am

    hehe, that’s hilarious, what’s funnier is that it sounds like the dentist was considering your proposition!

    • 16th January 2015 / 8:46 am

      Oh God, in that case I’m definitely not going back. He was ancient!

  7. JuggleMum, Nadine Hill
    16th January 2015 / 9:09 am

    Hahahaaaaaa love it!

  8. Ninjacat
    16th January 2015 / 9:55 am

    I thought my teeth were moving the other day as well

  9. 16th January 2015 / 8:58 pm

    Oh no, how embarrassing, but funny when you look back on it eventually 😉 Glad everything was ok with your teeth. I have never had anything done at the dentist, and don’t mind then, but totally paranoid something will happen to my teeth. Yes I’m crazy 🙂 x
    Susan Mann recently posted..Me – The Gallery 213My Profile

    • 19th January 2015 / 8:05 pm

      OH MY GOD! I would actually have died if that had happened. Died, i tell you.

    • 19th January 2015 / 8:03 pm

      Thanks Mich, not as glad as I am!

  10. 10th February 2015 / 7:58 am

    That made me giggle at the beginning of a long hard day so thank you! I’m just starting out blogging and have just found yours but getting people smiling is a good way to go I think so I think I’ll be a regular visitor.
    StripyBear recently posted..Two days on the trot. I must be on a roll.My Profile

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